Top 6 Expert CBT Tips On How To Embrace Good Enough v's Perfection This Holiday Season

With Catherine Moore, Co-founder of Moore & Moore Living and Expert Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist (CBT)

Nigel Slater gravy recipe battles in the kitchen, the return of old family dynamics, the comparison of your own back door with everyone else’s front of house, the who sits where stress, the last minute secret Santa dash and the gradual internal isolation. These are all common experiences the festive holidays can bring to challenge your ability for sustained perspective, calm, open hearted connection and spontaneity. The expectations from self/others can often get in the way of you being present and making the most of it, whatever the circumstances, with gratitude. I suggest making commitment to the people and experiences that are important to you throughout the year and not just at Christmas (that’s assuming you want to and it’s good for you). It offers flexibility and the opportunity to increase your confidence with practice. Here’s a tried and tested festive toolkit to help you navigate your way through the festivities with meaningful purpose and freedom of mind and heart.

1) ACCEPTANCE - It may or may not be how you had hoped but it's here. Now that it is, the first step is to acknowledge it just as it is. This is a serious advantage point as there is huge potential to enrich it with wise tweeks. Hold in mind that it will pass, like everything else. We are all imperfect humans.

2) CHECK-IN - Take a moment to notice how your are interpretating it. It could be your head is in panic planning mode or cannot be bothered. Can you label your emotions about the experience and other sensations in the body? Knowing what is showing up for you in the present will help you prioritise more accurately and know your self-care limitation thresholds.

3) WHAT DOES GOOD ENOUGH LOOK LIKE? It may be just getting through it or the wish for everyone to be together . Get to the heart of what really matters here. Opt for ways to increase your chances of kindness, authenticity and presence with yourself and others.  

4) BOUNDARY SETTING - Now that you have identified what the non negotiables and flexibles are, it's time to commit by action planning. Don't let others’ or your own expectations get in the way of a meaningful and enjoyable time. Practice taking time to appreciate the awkward small talk interactions with as much heart and honesty as you would do other deeper conversations.

5) SELF-COMPASSION - Approach everything with an attitude of care towards yourself and your limitations. Stay in the present moment and remember your breath is your superpower. Talk to yourself with love and care so that you stay on track with looking after your immediate needs, especially self-care (sleep, rest, exercise, nutrition). There is no need to be a martyr.

6) TIME OUT - Give yourself permission to take time for yourself, even if it's only 5mins in the loo. You can suggest a walk outdoors where you can mindfully restore and connect to nature as you walk. Go to bed early, delegate/decline tasks with respect and, above all, remember it's OK to rest. If you're isolated make sure to get out for a walk and/or be around others socially, even on the periphery.

The end of year also brings the need for rest, restoration and winter hibernation. Seize the opportunity for seasonal reflection on what you are grateful for and what areas you want to commit valued energies to going forward with deeper clarity and intention.